At his condominium, he sat down on the piano and began enjoying. I watched from the sofa, pinballing between anticipation and terror.
The day’s conversations had satisfied me of our compatibility — we each wished lives of journey with adventurous kids underfoot — however I knew that inside seconds our fantasies of one another would give technique to the fact of pores and skin and breath. I prayed that our first contact would really feel electrical. I didn’t want fireworks to start a relationship, however I all of the sudden feared that he did.
The following day, mendacity in mattress with our legs entangled, he mentioned that he felt anxious. After a primary date as good as ours, he anticipated to really feel elated, however as an alternative he sensed an inexplicable hesitation. He wanted time to assume.
The rejection got here every week later, through a tenderly written e mail. Our relationship felt 90 p.c proper, proper sufficient that we might fall in love, however unsuitable sufficient that it will by no means final. We must always finish it earlier than the inevitable cut up acquired harder. It’s not that there have been any obvious incompatibilities, and he had by no means skilled an mental connection as highly effective as ours, however one thing was lacking.
I learn the e-mail in mattress, grateful that there was no cop to see me crying. When my tears dried, I sank into my pillow, closed my eyes and was overcome by the conviction that this entire lacking feeling factor was a rip-off — or, at finest, a well mannered excuse, a innocent technique to finish issues.
There’s a Sufi story I really like in regards to the sensible idiot, Mullah Nasreddin. It goes like this: Darkness had fallen, and Nasreddin had misplaced his keys. He knelt by a lamppost, looking. A good friend joined him, and after an extended whereas, requested, “The place precisely did you lose the keys?” “In my home,” Nasreddin mentioned. The good friend mentioned, “What? In your home? Why are we wanting right here?” To which Nasreddin replied, “There may be extra gentle right here.”